I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
