between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
