Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
as a side note pls kill me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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