Me too!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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