I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
