Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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