where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
