My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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