Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
