More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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