He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
