Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Terrible idea I love it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
