you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize