thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
