I'm going to jail i love you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The air was thick with penises
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
