I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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