He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
