You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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