Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
