I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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