PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
