I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
