I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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