May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
