pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
