i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
