Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
