how can u be prego again
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
