That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
