Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize