remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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