Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
