its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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