By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
