Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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