dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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