Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize