I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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