Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Threesome in a minivan. New low
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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