he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
two words: eviction party
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I will pee on everything he values.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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