I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
