You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
