Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
