i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
