he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
