I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
