My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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