So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
