I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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