and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
