She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize