I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
