YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
how do you play pong handcuffed?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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