So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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