I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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