i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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