it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
