Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize