apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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