I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
