Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
