Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Boobs speak an international language.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
