so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
