Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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