maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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