I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
