she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
