I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
