my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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