my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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