I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
