Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize