i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
