Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize