drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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