Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
