He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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