I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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