Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize