dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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