1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
