I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
