lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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