This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just found a bag of teeth...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
