Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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