i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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