I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
