I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
