I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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