I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize