If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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