Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
