I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
