You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
