What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
