Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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