I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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