Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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