party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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