Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just want to make out with him forever
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
