i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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