i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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