i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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