His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
