oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
