Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
