yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
