I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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